Direct consultation with children

Direct consultation with children involves a family mediator, who is trained as a child consultant, talking with a child or children as a result of issues raised in mediation regarding children’s arrangements.

During the course of mediation, it may be suggested by the parents, or a child may ask to be involved in the mediation process. It is important that parents understand the views, needs and desires of their children and involving them in direct consolation may be the appropriate way forward. Children like to be informed and they appreciate having their views and options heard but not to be responsible for the overall decision.

Involving children in mediation can be very complex and a great deal of preparation is needed before a mediator can speak to a child of the family. Different considerations may apply according the age and maturity of the child.

FMA have mediators who are highly trained specialists in direct consolation with children. In addition to the foundation and on-going training, these mediators have attended specialist courses to equip them with the necessary skills to consider whether it is appropriate to carry out direct consultation with a child, and to carry out that consultation.

Direct consultation with a child means that the child is talking face to face with the mediator separately and in complete confidentiality from anyone else including their parents. In many instances, children wish some of their views to be fed back into the decision-making process and this will be facilitated with their permission.

The child consultation may be undertaken by a separate mediator (or mediators) from the mediator dealing with the parents. Consultations last approximately 45 minutes and siblings must be seen separately with the offer of seeing them together as well. Children should generally be aged 10 years and over but younger children may be seen in exceptional circumstances.

A register of specialist family mediators who can discuss this option with you can be found at Finding a mediator.

There are several websites with material to help children understand more about their feelings when parents separate. See our link to useful resources

Why choose mediation